Breach

It happened. sometime between Friday night and Sunday morning. I torn my jeans. Right on the left knee. I had no choice I had to wear them to work, as they are currently the only pair of pants that fit me. So there I am, at work. I have a professional job and while I'm not required to wear slacks or a tie, I always try to maintain a clean and neat appearance.A tear in your jeans cancels out any

Where did it go?

About five minutes ago I had a post idea. I would not say, "My best post" or even "A really good idea" but none the less an idea that I had and I was semi excited about blogging. So as I strode to the restroom and back, I had a conversation with a co-worker about the arcane computer punch cards (Do Not Fold, Bend, Spindle or Mutilate) then sat back down to write down my ideas. The lesser of the

SysAdmin Day

Syadmin Appreciation Day is tomorrow, July 27th. Now I know you are all the type of users who go out of your way to always thank your System and Network Administrators for all the hard work they've done throughout the year. Additionally I'm sure you've already planned something special for that individual.I know what I'm getting from my users already. Squat! I never see someone at my office door

20 Things I Learned From Swimming

If there's a diving board, some man will try something both death-defying and completely idiotic.If you look around and don't see any other man doing these things, then the responsibility falls on you.Diving boards, while they might be fine for diving, should be used primarily for cannonballs or belly flops.If you can do more than one belly flop in a week, then you're not doing it correctly.A

Friendly Sharpies

I love the smell of Sharpies early in the dayThey sooth my mind and in restful sleep I stayWith their scent intoxicating both inviting and elatingIn me they make a blissful carefree wayThey do for free what others pay forI doubt a substance could do more forMy utter lack of concentration, nodding head and relaxationI sing and tap my foot upon the floorNow I sway slightly when I standAs if on a

Poking Fun & Loving It

Need More Laughs? Like Making Fun Of Liberals? Me Too... I'm trying to post a few new funny ideas every week to Conservative Shirt Post. Keep checking back for updates!

Wet Socks

Wet Socks. It needs to be addressed, and I doubt anyone else is even thinking about it. In fact I believe that I can state without fear of contradiction that this is the only place where you are going to find a commentary about the whole wet sock thing. Your wildest dreams are about to come true. Buckle up.I'm not sure why this popped into my head but the other day I was drying off after getting

Bad Driver

I have now been driving for almost 14 years. (Having just worked out this figure made all the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.) In that time I've yet to be the cause of an accident, though I have been hit a couple of times. So when someone asks me "Are you a good driver?" I generally say, "Yes. I think so."Over the last few weeks I've been wondering if this track record was just due to

Lace Lament

Have you ever noticed that when you by a new pair a shoes they tuck the laces in? "Who cares," you think? Here's the deal, they're hiding the laces from you. Look at this picture. Have you ever seen a new shoe advertised with the lace ends showing? No. Why?Simple. There's a problem with the cutter. The darn thing is stuck at 25' and can't be set any shorter. So when you get a new pair of shoes

Dave Barry

I’m a huge Dave Barry fan. Not so much because I think he’s the funniest person in the world (which he might very well be) but rather because I can identify with him. I find myself reading my Dave Barry Classic Calendar 2007 and thinking, “yeah, that makes sense!” I totally understand how a man comes to the point of removing a corn on his foot with his rifle and why Dave takes exception to this.

Another Addict

I have now heard this theroy more than once. Lips become addicted to Chapstick! I mean once you start using it you lips want more. They need it all the time, like some dry mouthed drug fiend dragging himself through the city streets hungry for a hit.It all starts innocently enough, with a day of dry lips that just need a little moisturizing...the first one is free. Then two days then three. Next

It's New...Again.

Things are happening. I'm feeling stuff swirling in my dome. I've been unavailable to blog for over a week and in that time have stored up some profound revelations that I plan to strip of everything meaningful and and trite quips and shallow revelations to. That way they will be suitable to post here... In the mean time I'm trying something new, again. There is a certain cyclical delight I have