Servicing The Car: Confessions of a Geek.

My truck has been making this funny noise for a while now. I really really really need to take it in for a service check but I hate doing it. Every time I turn my truck in for service I'm at the mercy of some who knows I don't have a clue.

So I'll call up and say, "Yes, my car is making a funny noise"

"Right. Bring her in!"

Obviously they cannot diagnose funny noises over the phone, that's

The Car Recall

"Did you hear about the recall?""Excuse me?""The car recall! Did you hear about it?""I have no clue what you're saying.""Seems they are recalling 1.5 million cars.""That's going to take forever! Who's doing it.""The car company employees I suppose....who else would do it?""Are they asking thier friends to help?""What? Look I have this funny feeling that you and I aren't on the same page. Cars.

So Tired

I'm so tired. I'd thought I'd try and do a quick random typing post in a effort to wake up my brain. Basically the formula is such: I type whatever pops into my head. I make no edits or apologies. You can then read it or not. So from this point on, spell check only.So I had a hot food night last week. The point was simple. People came over, said "happy birthday" and ate hot food. My wife and her

Rebirth

"Frank! There you are.""Hey...""You were suppose to meet me at the office, remember? The client?""Client?""Yea, you remember, the deep fried peanut butter people.""That sounds repugnant. We're not working for them are we?!""What do you care? You missed the meeting...""Sorry.""...and the free samples.""Maybe I'm not so sorry after all." "Whatever. Look, what have you been doing that is so

Tug Of War

"What is this?""It's a hardware store. Just look around!""I see unwashed men in baseball caps. What are we doing here?""We're looking at tools! Just take a gander at this beauty!""LOOKING AT TOOLS! What in the world! We don't belong here!""Why not!?""Because we should be at home, playing a skirmish in Supreme Commander. Every second in this place deadens us and steals our edge. How are we going

Going Out Of Business

"Welcome to the store! - We're Going Out of Business!""I see that.""Yep, EVERYTHING MUST GO! We're closing our doors! We need to clear this place out! ""Yeah, I saw the guys on the corners with the signs. That's why I'm here, so you can stop yelling.""Excellent. Well, have a look around, and CHECK OUT OUR CRAZY DEALS! We've slashed prices by 5%""Excuse me?""I said, we've slashed prices by 5%,

Starbucks Post

For the most part Starbucks coffee is taking over the known universe. As for me I say, "bring it!" They serve a good cup of coffee that is consistently well made at a fair price. Additionally it is their plan to add a new shop on every street corner, in every town in the world. What's more-"Whoa! Stop.""What?""Where in the world are you going with this?""Why are you interrupting my post? I was

Memory Foam Mattress

I saw an ad for a memory foam mattress last night. Something about it struck me funny. I'm not even sure why, but the idea of the foam being like, "He's coming home tonight! I have to tell you nightstand I'm not looking forward to it." "Why?""Why?! Because some idiot scientist got the crazed idea to give me a memory! Why? So I can recall the crushing feeling of his tossing and turning all night!?

Chew Toy

Here we are, yet again, on the cusp of more knowledge that I'm sure I'm the only one sharing with you today. It has to do with something that has been bouncing around in my head for a number of years. At this point a fair amount of my readers, the ones who have been with me for a while, just signed off. For you poor unfortunate souls who remain, let me explain. Whenever I start a post with, "

The Rub

“Hey. How are things?”“Not so great.”“What’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”“Don't pretend that you don’t know.”“Why should I know anything about it?”“You're the cause of all this!”“How is your feeling bad my fault?”“Because you tried to kill me!”“WHAT!?”“Don’t act like you haven’t got any idea what I’m talking about! Look, I know that you know that I now know! You know?”“No.”“Give it a rest! You

Wallowing

“Hey whatcha up to?”“Nothing”“You seem down. You know, come to think of it, you don’t look so good.”“I know.”“And what is that all over you?”“Self-pity.”“What?”“Self pity. I’m wallowing in my own self pity."“I’ve heard people say that before but I don’t think your really suppose to cover yourself in slop.”“It’s not slop. It’s self-pity. I produce it.”“Oh. That’s odd.”“It really helps with the

The Parade

“I’m here!”“Great...”“Did I make it in time?”“In time for what?”“The Parade?!”“Oh...”“Well?”“Yea, you made it. Welcome to the parade. ”“So...when does it start?”“What?”“What do you mean what?!”“I mean, ‘I wish you would stop talking to me,’ but I doubt that you’ll get that subtle hint. The parade is in progress. This is what we do.”“Where are the bands?”“There aren’t any. This is all there is.

Advice

“Ready for the big race?”“Excuse me?”“The race... Are you ready for it.”“I’m not here for a race. I’m here for carrots.”“Ah. So then, what’s with the big number Eight on your side?”“Can’t get carrots without it! Gotta get the carrots! WHOO!”“You, uh, like carrots then?”“Like carrots? No. I love carrots! I mean, obviously! Why else would I be here? I mean why are you here-”“Because-”“-I’ll tell

Coconuts

“So, what’s for dinner?”“Coconut stew.”“Again?!”“What do you mean again?”“Didn’t we have that last night?”“No. Last night was, coconut soup! I have to say I really liked that one, but I might change-”“And Tuesday? What did we have Tuesday?”“Coconut meat, served in a lovely coconut broth! My favorite! Before you ask, the day before was julienned coconuts in a hearty coconut stock.”“You know, I